I just recently bought the book "To Own a Dragon" by Don Miller, this book is about growing up with out a father. Which is one of the greatest struggles of my whole life, I did have a father up until I was 14, but I have to say that he was not much of one when he was around. He was an alcoholic, and very depressed and mostly absent as a father. So in my life learning how to be a father and a husband, which I decided to become early on (to my great joy), has been a tremendous uphill climb for me, I have hurt people along the way, and for that I am truly sorry, my short comings have put my family in a place where we struggle with the simple things that for most people come natural and easy. This book has opened things in my own heart that I thought that I was over but realize that I have just pushed down. It is so hard to face and accept what God has given, the good and the bad, which I think that enter mingle with each other like a spiders web, the spider web of our life. I think that even people with the best upbringings have interspersed within them difficult times. I think that all of these things have to do with our disconnection from God, i e the fall of humanity. Not having a in touch father to me has such a bearing on being able to be in touch with the true father, relying on God is so hard when you aren't sure that he is able to be in touch with you, or in the back of your mind even wants to. I so hope that I can give my children the father that I did not have, so hopefully they won't have to struggle with these same things that I have such a hard time with. And I also so hope that I can overcome this so that I can give my wife the husband that she has always wished for. Is this a struggle for anyone out there, I wonder am I alone? If anyone who reads this has any words of fatherly wisdom to impart please leave a comment, I would love to read them.
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8 months ago
2 comments:
Hi Cheyne,
This piece grabbed me. I too lost my father when I was fourteen, and I was a father at 23.
As you share your heart, I have this great confidence that God has shown you the important things about our faith. These struggles you have faced show in your writing; and it is good. There is a softness in your heart that comes across so clearly to me. I understand the struggles, I understand the failures, but for some this hardens the heart, for others it makes it more open. I think it has made yours more open.
We all struggle with what seems to us to be simple everyday things. But these are the very things that God uses to mold us. Rarely is it big glowing opportunities, but rather day to day duties, that puts the mettle in a man.
As far as advice towards fathering, I have this - the more you are involved with your children, finding things to do with them that they like, and that you like as well, these times will deepen the bond between you, and as that bond continues to deepen, you will hunger to spend more and more time with them and enjoy more and more, all activities, even the chores. Then you will be a success as a father, shortcomings and all.
That's the long and short of it, learning to develop a love to be with them.
God bless,
Fred
God bless you Fred, it is so nice to hear from someone who might have had to go through similar circumstances as I am struggling with. And thank you for the advice I will definitely put those ideas in my heart and use them. Peace be with you, and I hope you have a happy new year.
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